MY THOTZ(ODD)

just now I stumble to a single forum..tehehehe and I don’t feel like I belong in their world although yeah im still single.. there are just some things you cant control. how I wish I can. But all I can do is wish…wish and wish… because I know that those things will never happen. And at the end of the day im still the one whose hurting.. many times I feel this pain lording in me. A deep feeling coming from nowhere and you don’t know how it will end. All you can do is just stop and stare and envy. Envy those who search and find it. Envy those who have and never lost it. I cant even relate to that word whenever they chat about it. I just rely on the facts i heard, watch and read. but somehow just somehow if i find it. i have so many question. will i keep it forever? will it be sweet or just like the others that didnt end well. will it be the ideal scenario i imagined. how was it like to be.. will he be faithful? am i gona be enough or am i gonna be good for em. sometimes it came across my mind that i'll be happy growing alone. but at the bottom of my heart there's this fear starting to grow. fear of being alone and lonely in the dark. where there's only you, no one you can depend on. no one will take your hand and tell you "its ok, you'll be fine" life really sucks. you cant tell if your gonna be happy or miserable. it doesn't give assurance that when you wake up one day everything's ok..my thoughts that doenst seem to be what you read it to be. its just an abstract of what i feel because i couldnt contain it anymore. i feel like im gonna explode any moment. from these feeling.